Formal weight-loss programs often tout the results produced by their one-on-one counseling. According to a recent meta-study, having access to a counselor might work in the short-term, but it does nothing to stop dieters from regaining weight in the long-run.

On average, weight loss programs that use group or individual counseling, or both, helped participants drop 6% of their body weight after one year, found Michael L. Dansinger, M.D., of Tufts-New England Medical Center here, and colleagues.

At three years, however, half of the weight lost was regained, and at about 5.5 years participants were back to baseline, they reported in the July 3 issue of Annals of Internal Medicine.

I signed up for Jenny Craig’s “Direct” program a couple of years ago not realizing it involved weekly phone consultations with a counselor/salesperson. I’d gone thorugh their website to enroll and preferred using it to order my food, so you can imagine how surprised I was to learn that I’d receive weekly calls from the counselor even if I didn’t want to.

Did I find such conversations helpful? Heck no. It reminded me of phone calls from my mom back when I was in college. “How’s your life going, dear? And your weight?” My mother was always weight-obsessed. No doubt a psychologist would tell me that my tendency to eat while angry or stressed is somehow related.

So just as I did back in college with dear ol’ Mom, I became masterful in dodging the calls from my counselor. Laryngitis works really well for that, as does recent dental surgery or the claim that you’re at the library or traffic court. (They had my cell phone number.)

Did I lose weight? In the first couple of weeks I lost a pound per week, but I’d never been so hungry in my life. My “counselor” praised the results then encouraged me to exercise more. Clearly she didn’t realize I was too famished to have the energy for such things.

By the middle of the third week, when the dizzy spells and hunger pains continued, I decided that eating pizza and being chubby was far better than feeling tired and weak.

I’d just sat down in front of a personal-sized pizza with extra cheese when she called. Funny how they can time things like that. Throughout the entire conversation I assured her that I was doing great on the diet. Loved the food. Had exercised like crazy. Lost three more pounds.

I could practically hear her glowing with satisfaction over the phonelines. What she didn’t hear was that I was sneaking bites of pizza between those lies I’d told her. We made an appointment to talk the next week when she planned to call for my monthly food order.

I’m not sure which tasted better: that pizza, or the sweet satisfaction of changing my cell phone number the next day.