I’ve heard of diets making all sorts of ridiculous claims, but a diet that promises to bring easier, more frequent orgasms? Now, that’s a first.

Now, I like orgasms as much as the next person… provided the next person isn’t ex-governor Spitzer. Not that I’m a candidate for sex addiction treatment, mind you. But who wouldn’t want to get their rocks off more reliably and with less effort, right?

That’s exactly what The Orgasmic Diet promises you’ll enjoy while eating some pretty yummy-sounding foods.

Of course, there are few catches:

• You’ll be eating low carbs because they’re ‘orgasm killers’.
• Expect to take nasty-smelling fish oil capsules in large quantities, too.
• Plan to perform regular Kegel exercises.
• You’ll also need to work on your “feel good” chemicals, serotonin and dopamine, which are also associated with blood flow to the genitals. (No, the author’s not suggesting illegal substances to spike those babies up, either.)
• Coffee or other forms of caffeine are prohibited.

It’s that last bit that got me. There’s no way I’m giving up my morning coffee or afternoon tea. That just puts the die into dieting, at which point better orgasms are pretty much irrelevant, aren’t they?