Jae’s been doing a weekly Wednesday Weigh In, and I’ve been meaning to participate. Except that might involve actually stepping on a scale, and I’m trying to avoid that.

What’s that, you say? Why would I eschew weighing myself if I’m trying to lose weight? Because I’ve been overly-obsessed with my scale of late and I’m trying to break that pattern.

As I’ve mentioned before, I keep my scale in the kitchen, not the bathroom. The reason’s not as nefarious as it sounds: we simply don’t have a place in our bathroom where I can put the scale without tripping over it. So moving it into the kitchen seemed to make sense at the time. Besides, I figured, if I’d weigh myself before binging on a snack it might actually give me a little more willpower.

And that’s when the problem started.

Every time I thought about snacking I’d step on that scale and groan. Then, instead of foregoing the snack I’d actually eat more: out of frustration, out of disappointment, out of a feeling that I’ll never, ever, ever lose weight so why bother.

A week ago I decided to take a break from daily weighing. It’s kind of like putting myself on a scale diet, I guess you could say. We have a trip to my mom’s house planned for the middle of this month and I’d started really obsessing about my weight. (Translate: freaking out. Big time.) It’s not like we’re going to to be staying at one of those Outer Banks rentals where I’ll need to be seen in a bathing suit or anything. We’re going to my mother’s… but since many of my weight issues started in childhood, perhaps that’s just as bad.

Which is why I decided that until we’re back from that visit I’m just not going to weigh myself. Judging by the fit of my clothes, I’m guessing I’ve neither gained nor lost but I don’t want to know for certain. I don’t want to think about it. I want to trust that my visit with my mother and my enjoyment of our time together has nothing to do with my weight, and to ensure that happens I’m just not thinking about it right now.

But Jae is doing awesome — she’s lost almost 30 pounds since January, so go congratulate her!