Chubby Mommy

A while back I signed up for Jenny Craig in the hope that getting out of the kitchen might actually help me lose weight. I’m one of those cooks who nibbles a bit while slicing vegetables, then a bit more after putting them in the pot, with another nibble or two once things have had a chance to simmer. Heck, between the prep work and actual serving time, I’ve often nibbled my way through an entire meal.

I’d really wanted to like the Jenny Craig food. Truly, I did. Unfortunately, the first time I popped open a beige can of equally beige tuna salad and smelled it led to a reverse-bulimic like moment: I gagged, but I hadn’t even had a bite yet. The enchiladas were somewhat better, although I wound up adding a cup of salsa, some green chile peppers, half an avocado and some salt just to get it to taste remotely like Mexican food. The only thing I didn’t have to “doctor” was the lasagna.

After one month, I’d only lost one pound, and that was following a week-long cold that pretty much killed my appetite for anything.

Unfortunately, I’d signed up for the “auto-ship” program which meant that a second month’s supply of bland, miserable food arrived on my doorstep without any warning. It’s still in my freezer, untouched and unwanted. I like to think of it as my 3-day emergency supply of food for the family in the event some catastrophe forces us to eat it. A tornado, perhaps, or maybe Armageddon.

I didn’t realize, until now, that it was even possible to ship the stuff back to Jenny Craig. After reading this story about Lisa Bustle, who was equally disappointed with NutriSystem’s meals, I checked and found out that I could, indeed, have returned the stuff. If I’d been prompt about it, that is.

Bustle didn’t know there was a time limit, and took a few months to actually return the freeze dried food to Nutrisystem. She expected a full refund. But the company told her she waited too long and wouldn’t get money or her food back.

“I had nothing. I mean how would you feel? I paid for something and sent it back and now I don’t even have the product or the money, so I felt slighted,” she said.

Luckily for Bustle, a news channel intervened and convinced NutriSystem to return the food to her. But not the money. Which means that, like me, she’s got a freezer full of food that will only look appetizing following a natural disaster, but no appreciable weight loss.

Hmmm… maybe I ought to ship the stuff off to those starving children Sally Struthers is always going on about?