I’d been doing so good avoiding wheat and dairy products this past week. I’d really felt some benefits, too: less congestion, no stomach problems, and I’d even lost a pound.

Saturday morning, I woke up with a lovely sore throat and a bad case of laryngitis. I get it every winter and spring — it must have something to do with the change of seasons. Needless to say, I didn’t feel up to all of the scrubbing, peeling, and chopping involved with making sure 90% of my daily food intake is raw grains, fruits or vegetables.

So we ordered pizza, and it was wonderful. Cheesy, saucy and loaded with pepperoni. (Yes, that means I ate meat, too.)

Today? I’m so bloated that my fingers are puffed above and below my diamond rings, making my hands look cartoonish. My skin’s broken out, and my stomach feels like I’m carrying a bowling ball around in there.

The only upside to this, as far as my husband’s concerned, is that I still have laryngitis, which means he doesn’t have to listen to me whining about how miserable I feel. Silly man: he forgets I can still text message and email him all about it.