Chubby Mommy

I’d said before that I plan to get more exercise and hopefully lose weight by taking up walking this Spring. So this morning I did just that: I went for a walk. Oh, it hardly feels like spring around here yet — in fact, it was so foggy outside that I couldn’t see the end of my driveway when I stepped out my front door.

But I’ve been a bundle of nerves lately for reasons I’m not going to go into. I’ve tried long, hot baths and relaxing with a good book. I even gave myself a facial yesterday in the hope that it would mellow me out. Nothing has worked.

So I thought I’d try burning up some of my nervous energy by waking up early and going for a walk before my husband left for work. I rolled out of bed, jumped into the sweat suit and sneakers I’d left on the floor to make things easier on myself this morning, grabbed my iPod and was out the door within five minutes.

About five minutes into it, I heard distant voices in the fog. Women’s voices, all of them sounding far more perky than I felt at that point, having not even paused to for a cup of coffee before heading outside. I tried to take comfort in the fact that the fog would most likely prevent these women from discovering I also hadn’t brushed my hair or teeth yet, and that I’d apparently grabbed a mismatched pair of socks.

They sounded quite a ways behind me, so I hoped to reach the end of the route I’d set out for myself and be on my way home without having to encounter them. But in my hope I’d naively overlooked one thing: I’m out of shape, which means I walk a bit more slowly than those accustomed to moving their butts every morning.

Within moments they’d caught up with me, their skinny hips jutting out at odd angles as their elbows pumped in that odd power-walking stride. Oh, they were slender and fit all right: their spandex walking pants left no doubt about that. Apparently, they’re also incapable of sweating profusely like I was doing. Their hair and makeup remained so perfect that the only thing glistening on their bodies was their designer jewelry and immaculate manicures.

Fortunately, they disappeared into the fog before I had time to feign a cough as an excuse to hide my makeup-free face and cover up my nasty morning breath. I hurried along to my turn-around spot and practically raced to get back to my house, my coffee pot and my toothbrush.

Unfortunately, tomorrow’s forecast doesn’t call for fog in the morning, which means I’d have to wake up even earlier to go on my morning walk, what with all that tooth-brushing, hair-combing and makeup application that seems to be required.