Food And Other Addictions
Audrey Hepburn once remarked that she resented food because it controls us; that, unlike other substances one might abuse, food isn’t something you can completely cut out of your life. Those who abuse alcohol or drugs can seek help from places specializing in adult addiction treatment where they’ll learn through counseling that, for an addict, there’s no such thing as “just a little bit”. You want to break an addiction, you have to go whole hog and never touch the stuff again.
With food, that’s simply not possible. Hepburn, after all, tried that approach and wound up suffering from bulimia and anorexia for much of her adult life. So, too, do many people who share her resentment of our bodies’ need to eat, a drive that for many of us has become less about necessity and more about gratifying pleasures or insulating against pain. In that sense, overweight people share a trait in common with those who abuse other substances: we use food to comfort or anesthetize us, giving it an added power over our lives beyond mere fuel for our bodies.
Like people suffering other forms of addiction, many overeaters refuse to see their addiction to food as a substance abuse problem. They claim to be “big boned” or to be baffled why they can’t lose weight (while secretly binging, as if those calories don’t count). Others blame thyroid or hormonal problems which, so they rationalize, means they aren’t personally responsible for being fat. I know: I’ve cited those same reasons myself.
And, as with a drug addict or alcoholic, people with food addictions often fail to see the dire impact their problems are having on their lives or the lives of those around them. I’ve been there, too. I’ve come up with one excuse after another to avoid taking my son to the water park, to the playground, to activities that would inevitably force me to confront how out of shape and overweight I’ve let myself become. The impact doesn’t stop there: it’s affected my marriage since I no longer feel comfortable allowing my spouse to see me undressed, no matter how much he assures me that I’m beautiful.
One thing I’ve recently learned about dealing with food as an addiction is that it can be treated in many of the same ways as other substance abuse problems, starting with a form of family intervention. With many substance abuse problems, that’s really the first step toward recovery but it’s best performed by counselors trained in drug intervention, people who know how to navigate around defense mechanisms, denial and cycles of co-dependency. When conducted by a professional, interventions have over a 95% success rate of prompting the addict to seek treatment.
Ours was less formal: over the Mother’s Day weekend my husband wanted to take me to a swanky restaurant in town. (See the co-dependency there? Feed the addict.) I refused to go, however, and I came up with all sorts of reasons: it was too expensive, I didn’t want to leave our son with the sitter, I was tired, etc. The truth? None of my pretty clothes fit, and I didn’t like the way I looked in the stuff that did. Fortunately, my husband saw through my rationalizations and pointed out how much I’ve been missing out on due to my self-consciousness about my weight.
“Do something,” he said. “You can’t get this time back that you’re missing out on. Yes, it might be boring to exercise. Yes, you might feel deprived going without chips or burgers for a while. But it will be worth it to you once you’re back to a point where you can feel good about yourself again.”
That hit home. Hard.
Hence my decision to streamline my life in a number of areas to reduce the stress which prompts me to turn to food as a source of comfort. Likewise, by reducing the number of demands on my time, I’m eliminating excuses to avoid exercising, the most important key to weight loss.
I’m using another tactic that’s important to other forms of substance abuse treatment, too: I’m cutting out the stuff that I know is harmful to me. Were I in a trained facility with licensed professionals, they’d call it drug detox, a period of time in which the body cleanses itself of toxins and breaks its physiological dependency on harmful substances while the addict works on understanding their emotional and situational triggers.
For me, that’s involved tossing out all forms of temptation in our house. Out went the chips, the crackers and candy. I even cleared out my secret stash of gummi bears. I’m letting my husband do the grocery shopping for a while so I’m not tempted to buy replacements and hide them for “just in case”, and I’ve informed my family that, while they’re welcome to have a burger or fries, they’ll have to do it when I’m not around. And, meanwhile, I’m exercising. A lot. In fact, I’m turning to that now for my source of stress relief and comfort, and the results are already beginning to show.
Why am I sharing all of this with you? Well, because that’s yet another thing that recovering from a food addiction has in common with other forms of substance abuse: the first step is admitting that you have a problem.
My name is Kate, and I’m a food addict.
Now, let the healing begin.
11 Responses to “Food And Other Addictions”
great post Kate! I’m glad that you have found exercise as a way to relieve stress, I know that always works for me. (and I am a choco-holic, which is a daily struggle)
I try to get this point across to my hubby everyday and so far, no luck. I will keep at it until it sinks in!
Excellent post Kate. I thought it was extremely insightful, and I enjoyed reading it. Looking forward to more posts
Brad’s last blog post..Day two and still chugging
Food addiction takes so many forms, from being addicted to not eating, purging overeating, overeating…
I was fat before but wasn’t necessarily addicted to anything but chicken fried steaks. Now, after have banded gastroplasty, I’m still fat but with a lot more food-related problems.
Ain’t no easy road.
Donna B.’s last blog post..Grandchildren Are Angels!
Back before I used to post all those leggy pictures of myself and ride crazy long bike events, I ballooned up to 185 and hung out there for a long while.
What you prescribe was the only thing that worked for me – going full on toward the goal. Moderation – yeah, right. Not for people like me.
I’m faced with the same thing now – having had two children essentially back to back. Nothing’s located where it should be, and now I have time issues and can’t do 6 hours straight of exercise – have to really be smart about the whole thing. I’m also 6 years older, and I don’t want to be fat and out of shape.
Very honest post, and I think it’s the right approach. After about 3 weeks in, it’s a habit, and it’s one you’ll fiercely protect if I have your personality pegged in that regard. Getting to that 3 weeks – the investment point – that’s the hard part.
hln
hln’s last blog post..Jack Michael Noggle
The hardest thing about doing the full-on approach is that it begins to take over a person’s brains. I mean, every time I sit down I’m thinking “I should be exercising. I could be exercising. Lordie, I’m so tired of exercising but I have to exercise to get rid of the fat!”
Having pushed it a bit too much last week, I’ve been paying for it the past two days with a bad fibro flareup that’s included a whole host of GI problems.
I swear, if it’s not one thing it’s another.
I get to be an alcoholic, a drug addict AND a food addict. Isn’t that awesome?
I’ve been in recovery for the first two for nearly 17 years. I can say firsthand that quitting alcohol and drugs is far easier than quitting a food addiction, as, like you pointed out, I’ve been able to simply abstain and work on ways to facilitate that abstinence (read: 12 step programs).
There’s always Overeaters Anonymous, but I dare not darken that door. Why? Because food is my final frontier. Once I let that go, I have nothing to shield myself with. No booze, no drugs, no cigarettes (gave those up 12 years ago)… Then what? Then I’m forced to deal with every stressful situation without any unhealthy comfort. Icky poo.
I could have written your post, Kate. I came to the conclusion that I needed to do something about my eating and lack of exercise not too long ago. I now work out for an hour or more a day and have cut back or cut out the foods I would normally binge on. That’s HUGE for me. So the wall is coming down slowly. At 31 with three children who depend on me and a spouse who loves and supports me, I am so ready for this. I deserve it and I will love myself all the more for it.
Now that I’ve written a novel… Can I just say how happy I am to have stumbled onto your blog?
The Maven’s last blog post..The Maven: Frittata
I’m glad you’ve stumbled on it, too! I have 2 kids of my own (16 and 8)… well, 3 if you count the 47-year-old one that I married. I’d love to say they’re wonderfully supportive of me but, fact is, after cleaning house and doing our homeschool lessons yesterday (with just the 8 y/o), then going to the movies for family time and coming home to finish laundry, I hopped on the treadmill to get some exercise time in.
Every single one of the complained about the treadmill’s noise because it interfered with their TV viewing. I pointed out that my ENTIRE day had been spent doing things for them, and that I was now taking some time to do something for ME so they could just deal with it.
While that didn’t stop the whining completely, it did make my post-workout martini taste much better.
One addiction at a time.
I have a question. My wife since menopause and a hysterectomy and on paxil for anxiety continues to gain weight to the point where it is painful for her to walk (55 years old) . She teaches ballet and had a petite body weighing in at about 105 when we married. She weights about 200 lbs now and has tried dieting for years. I have noticed lately that she is really be effected by the weight; her walking is difficult…her ankles hurt, etc..especially after she has been teaching ballet. I love her madly but am worried about the impact the weight is having on her body. If I say nothing…nothing changes….if I say something…last night…something to the effect that I am worried about you…you can’t stick to a diet and its hurting you (after I refused to give her the chicken skin off of my chicken) and she was mad. I don’t think I’m better. I’m just worried…and if I say something she says…”that makes it worse.” I actually don’t know what to do. She will often eat another meal or snack within hours of eating a substantial meal. I am in love with her but worried. Any suggestions.
I’m sorry, PAG, but I really can’t be of much help. Your wife already knows what her weight is and how her body has changed along with it. She no doubt already feels bad emotionally, as well as physically, so having you mention it isn’t going to change anything.
It’s hard losing weight once we’re past 40. To have gone through a hysterectomy and/or menopause completely changes our hormonal system and makes weight loss even more difficult. And Paxil is known for contributing to weight gain.
So, really, your wife is facing a situation where the odds are stacked against her. She doesn’t need to be reminded of that fact. She just needs to know you love her and find her as beautiful as ever.
But between you and me, it’s sweet that your concern is for how she’s feeling, and not with how she looks. Just try to make sure she knows that, too.
Thanks for your prudent and helpful response. Regards.
You’re quite welcome. Best wishes to you both!