This is a very true statement ” like GZ Expat mentioned, I’ve read that there really is no such thing as breaking a bad habit: it’s more like replacing a bad one with a good one instead”
The secret is how this is done!
Think of having a cup of dirty water that is glued to a table and the table is secured to the floor. Now how would I change the dirty water to clear water? I cannot move the cup nor the table! But what I can do is to introduce a small steady stream of clean water on a consistent basis into the cup and if I persist long enough, the water in the cup will not be changed at all, it will be totally replaced. However, the dirty water still exists somewhere, but where did it go? To tell you the truth, it really doesn’t matter. Just like it really doesn’t matter to the human mind. Because unwanted behaviors are not changed, they just go into memory somewhere and then we can say, I can remember when I smoked, overate, took drugs, but since I slowly introduced new choices and accepted the gains little by little, all of a sudden, I am a cup of clear water!

Look forward to someone doing something nasty to you, it is the only time you get to take that drink from the fountain of youth provided by forgiveness.
Then allow yourself to feel the peace and tranquility.

As for breaking bad habits or responses, like GZ Expat mentioned, I’ve read that there really is no such thing as breaking a bad habit: it’s more like replacing a bad one with a good one instead.

What is missing is the inability for some folks to answer the univeral question of the mind, which is IF NOT THIS (BEHAVIOR), THEN WHAT?
STOP to the human mind is translated to a choice between DEATH or INSANITY and most healthy minds that retain purpose in life, will not accept either of those choices and continue the unwanted behavior.
What I have found that works for me is to accept and not only understand the unwanted behavior but also thank myself for making a behavioral choice (although an undesired one) that allows me to still function day to day in my world. So I do not change (because I have to account for history and the physical reality of what I see looking at in the mirror)
What now can be done after acceptance (of the positive intend of our behavior), is make new choices (not just one).
One more thing, when I make new choices, it is like learning a new language and the systems (family, work, social) I operate in notice the different language (choices) I am using. Most systems want (me) to maintain the status quo (of the system) Most systems (except the additional new ones I use to help with new choices ie AA, support groups) will intensify pressure (on the part of the system that is making new choices) to return to what is familiar to the system. But take heart, after climbing the steep mountain of resistance (internal and from the system) and reaching the peak, what is in the beautiful valley below is acceptance (from self and the systems)
This is why I want to develop the flexibility in always adding new choices (humans have a built in ability to discard the unwanted ones ((choices)) and keep the best at any one particular point in time.
choices, choices and more choices keeps me mentally flexible)
And for the females, please do not ask your male what he thinks about your choices. Men (not just humans with male anatomy) MEN work on one basic premise and that premise is the difference between liking and respect. As a MAN all of my life I’ve be trained to deal with behaviors that I do not like (in work, play, sports, relationships) but what I will not tolorate is disrespect. (and if a man or woman disrepects themselves, I, and most MEN will create distance from that person physically, mentally and emotionally)
So when in making choices (this is both M & F) make sure there is respect for the system (in making a choice)
And one more important question to answer is:
What is the most selfish choice I can make as a human being?

The answer is to forgive (myself and others).

I rise and travel above judging (myself and others) and find that I do not travel alone, my fellow travelers are peace and tranquility.

(It takes a lifetime to come to learn how to accept who is peace and unconditional love)

I used to think — back before I was married, and even after I was married but still a then-effortless size 6 — that women gained weight after marriage because they no longer had to ‘compete’ in the singles scene, or else they’d reached a point where they took their lifelong mating for granted and “let themselves go”.

How distinctly I remember swearing that I would never let that happen to me!!!

Now, of course, I realize that there are a LOT of reasons why people gain weight and, as you said, it’s rarely about food. Sometimes it’s childhood abandonment issues triggered by a rocky marriage’s distinct ability to heighten the feeling of insecurity. Sometimes it’s the response to a disappointment in marriage altogether: finding that marriage in practice is wholly different from what they pictured.

Sometimes — and I think this is what sent me spiraling upwards on the scale — it’s a situation where feelings of childhood victimization are recreated in the adult world, but with the potential for far greater impact than ever before.

I know that I hate being fat because I hate walking around in a skin that doesn’t feel like it ought to be mine. I look in the mirror and I can see (even if no one else does) the outlines of how my body used to look.

But I also know that the body I used to have brought me so much unwanted attention and that nearly destroyed my marriage. Being fat ensures that won’t happen again.

It’s one thing to know this, though, and another thing to do something about it.

I do know this: I won’t find my motivation to actually lose weight until I feel that being thin won’t lead to a repeat of that bad experience, and that requires finding the psychological tools and emotional preparedness to make sure I’ll never be in that situation again.

That may not make sense to anyone else, I guess, but it makes perfect sense to me.

Anyway, if there’s a visible issue to address in therapy it generally becomes the focus and a distraction from the real issues. Just like money problems are never about money, weight is very rarely about food.