Full-Figured Costumes
My son’s summer day camp is wonderful about planning activities to keep the kiddies entertained. Wednesdays are field trips; Tuesdays and Thursdays they spend in the pool; Fridays always involve some kid-pleasing theme. Next Friday they’re throwing a costume party and, because my son is firmly convinced I must be sitting at home bored out of my mind while he’s at camp, he signed me up to be a Parent Helper.
In other words, I’ll be spending the day surrounded by fifty-six children wearing their Halloween costumes from last year, all of them hyped in eager anticipation of busting open the candy-filled pinata they’ve been making all week. As far as my son is concerned this is the coolest thing ever.
Me? I’m freaking out. Unlike my son, I don’t have a variety of costumes in storage. I don’t have a Superman outfit or a Darth Vader mask and cape in a drawer. I don’t even have a cowboy hat and pair of plastic pistols (not that his camp would allow such things).
Last Halloween I was too sick to bother dressing up and spent most of the evening in bed. The year before? I hadn’t thought to dress up just to stand there passing out candy to sugar-addicted kids until my son insisted that “Mom, you’ve got to do something neat!” So I grabbed a green turtleneck and hot glued an ashtray, a few playing cards and some beer bottle caps on it and declared that I was going as a poker table. He wasn’t amused.
Since I don’t want to embarrass him around his little friends I’ve been looking at Halloween costumes which, let me just tell you, are impossible to find in stores this time of year. That’s okay, though: stores pretty much stock boring costumes designed for skinny women determined to show their inner skank in front of the kiddoes. I’m not about to do that.
The great thing about looking online for costumes is the huge variety are available. Variety in designs, yes, but also in sizes. Who knew they made plus-sized Halloween costumes? They look surprisingly comfortable, too: the Geisha one in particular (which comes with a wig, even) looks like one I could see myself wearing for a more, ah, intimate party of two.
Besides, I’m pretty sure neither my son nor the camp’s organizers would appreciate if I showed up in the Supa Pimp Mama costume, although it is tempting if only to teach them to never, ever look to me to be a Parent Helper again.
8 Responses to “Full-Figured Costumes”
Go as a redneck. Wear a plaid shirt, put your hair in pigtails, paint freckles on your face, put tape on a pair of military issue eyeglasses, and get some fake “buckteeth” and you’re all set to go!
Or, wear your pajamas and robe, going as a SAHM.
Or don’t bother to take any of my advice, therefore not embarrassing your son
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I’m not so sure the redneck one would go over well here in Kansas, but I know the SAHM one would, at least with the adults. Problem is that most folks would wonder if it was my costume or if I just forgot, and the majority of them would be too afraid to ask.
Chubby Mommy’s last blog post..Not So Sure About The Reliable Part
I’m curious why the redneck costume might not go over well in Kansas. I really thought rednecks were the last “ethnicity” one could make fun of. Rednecks and Hillbillies and Cowboys… what have I not noticed?
Not that I’m famous for being observant anyway.
Donna B.’s last blog post..2nd Amendment Really Is About An Individual Right
Well, mostly it’s because Kansans don’t like being made fun of. Besides, who’d know I was in costume?
Then, too, there’s a bit of a backlash from the redneck, cowboy, hillbilly “community”. (God, I just made myself sick typing that phrase.) Essentially it boils down to asking why it’s wrong to make fun of stereotypes of every other group but okay to call others “white trash”?
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OK, I see your point, but it’s odd that I never think of “white trash” when I think of rednecks, etc.
I think of Paris Hilton.
Donna B.’s last blog post..2nd Amendment Really Is About An Individual Right
LOL. Well, your definition certainly differs from the norm.
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It’s not surprising that I don’t “understand” it the way Wikipedia does. After all, if I look at it their way I am sooooo white trash.
Perhaps I should embrace and enjoy that? yeah… I can do that!
Meanings change over time and I still think Paris Hilton is white trash. Oh, and Britney Spears probably fits “both” definitions.
Donna B.’s last blog post..2nd Amendment Really Is About An Individual Right
Oh, Britney definitely does. I’ve always taken it to be synonymous with being a hick, something I’ve been accused of recently elsewhere.
As for Paris Hilton, I’d consider her a skank.
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