I’ve never understood how a woman could find anything remotely attractive about Jack Nicholson, an actor known in part for the number of women he’s bedded over the years. (Now that the man has no functioning saliva glands, I’m betting there are quite a few more women disenchanted with him, too.)

That said, I can guarantee that, his senior citizen status aside, I’d wallop him to kingdom come if he tried using his purportedly favorite pickup line on me:

He says, “You walk up to someone you like and you’re feeling relaxed, they think, ‘Oh, here comes the shark’ and you say to them, ‘When did you get pregnant?’”

Seriously, are there really women who’d find this charming?

Which is not to say that I’d turn down baby gifts, mind you. I’d simply eBay them… along with photos of Nicholson sprawled out on the floor. Us chubby girls can put a lot more oomph in a right hook than Hollywood’s skinny mini’s, after all.