Since I’ve been sick for the past three days, I didn’t bother stepping on the scale. I’d kind of hoped, as a matter of fact, that all of the soup I’ve been living on would’ve led to a little weight loss.

No such luck.

Sure, I didn’t gain an ounce but I haven’t lost any, either. I’m going to blame the sodium content. Yeah, that’s it: I must be retaining water. By the way, are you interested in buying some shore front property in Arizona? What? You’re not that gullible? Me, neither.

You know, if this keeps up I’m not going to need to rent an animal costume for Halloween this year. I’ll just need to dress in gray from head to toe and tell folks I’m going as an elephant. They won’t have a hard time believing me, I’m sure.